My son, David, was 7 days old
when the call from the doctor came with My husband, John’s, final diagnoses.
The latest and deepest biopsy confirmed what we had begun to suspect. It was
cancer. As I hung up the phone, all I could think or say was, “Don’t let him
die on me.” Then I burst into uncontrollable tears. Fortunately, my mother who
was visiting and a friend where there with me when the call came.
We had a choice to make.
Either stay with the locate doctors or go to a specialist in Houston, TX, which
was 7 hours away. We decided on the specialist. David was 15 days old, John, my
mother, David and I headed out to MD Anderson Cancer Center to start the fight
of our lives.
After long endless waits to
see different doctors, get blood work, and the other tests needed, we got the
final results. The doctors told us they
did not know whether it was Hodgkins or nonHodgkins’ lymphoma so they would need
to treat John for both.
Hodgkins has a 95% cure rate
but Hodgkins is 50%. They told us the tumor was wrapping itself around the vena
cava, the main artery from the heart to the brain, and if the doctors could not
stop its growth, it would pop John’s heart. Since the cancer was quick growing,
there was an urgency to start radiation immediately. After the radiation, chemotherapy
would begin. Then at the close, we were told we may not be able to have anymore
children because of their uncertainty of what the lasting affect of
chemotherapy would be.
My husband had his first week
of radiation treatments before we left for home. Then he made the other 7 weeks
of traveling back and forth to Houston for 5 days of radiation by himself. Then
came the chemotherapy after a three-week break for Christmas. The chemo was
given every week for a year and a half at our local hospital.
During all of this, I learned
to draw from strength deep within me that I didn’t know I had until I needed
it. God’s revealed strength helped me to be what my husband and child needed
throughout the crisis. I learned how to keep my eyes focused on God so my faith
in His sovereignty would not waver very far. I learned faith in His provisions as
I watched God meet every one of our needs.
At some point, I final got
the courage to ask God the question that loomed over my heart, “Lord, Is John
going to die?”
He answered in my heart with
this, “No matter what happens, I’ll help you through.”
In other words, I was going
to have to trust Him through the whole process no matter what the outcome.
After 5 years of going back
and forth to Houston for checkups, John was finally released with a clean bill
of health from MD Anderson Cancer Center. We celebrated joyously in the victory
with medical staff, family and friends. AND we had been able to have another
baby.
Then, ten years later, John
started having trouble getting his breathe and tiredness. The doctors found out
one of John’s heart valves was defective and he would have to have surgery. We
decided to go back to Houston to see a cardiologist and to be near his other
doctors. The cardiologist scheduled surgery with the best he knew of in the
area.
The night before the surgery,
I knelt down beside my motel bed and prayed this prayer, “Whether John comes
through the surgery or not is not my call. That is for you and John to decide
but you already know what I want. I leave it in Your capable hands.” Believe it
or not I slept soundly until the alarm rang.
The surgery went well and the
doctors thought after a time of recovery, John would be fine. As the weeks and months went by, John was not
getting stronger. Then, the doctors realized John was loosing heart function.
John’s heart was wearing out and there was nothing else they could do except to
keep John comfortable until the end.
After John’s death, I started
to realize all the things God had done to prepare me for this new life. In that
ten-year interval, God had inspired me to renew my teaching certificate so I
could find employment, gave me a strong yearning to move back home, 750 miles
away and worked on fears and self-esteem issues so I would be strong for my children
and the challenges ahead. God had also given me scriptures and stories from
different sources that spoke directly to my situation. I was amazed how God had
connected all the dots for my future.
It’s been 20 years now. I
have learned by trial and error and asking a lot of questions even if they were
dumb. I talked to God about everything and he gave me insight. God gave me the
hope to continue on when I wanted to give up. After 20 year, God has truly
become my first love, my protector, and my friend.
Are you going through "pain-filled" times? Allow God strengthen your heart and fill you with His hope for a brighter tomorrow.
